I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
