Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
