Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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