It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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