He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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