I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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