My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
