Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
