My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
