I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
