She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
