The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
