Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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