Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
