Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
