She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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