Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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