Soap is not a condiment
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
