when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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