He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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