please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
