I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
