Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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