My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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