Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize