Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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