I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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