hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
