he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
