the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
