I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
