I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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