hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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