you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He felt like a one man threesome
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
