I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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