Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize