ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
