There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
