im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
