ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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