the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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