Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
