Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
