i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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