there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
