Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
