I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
