Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
