Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
