hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
