woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
