Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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