lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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