he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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