Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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