Buhtt sex?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
