Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
