I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
