there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
