I should be sponsored by Trojan
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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