sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
