I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
