So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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