pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
