you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
