We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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