Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
