My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
