Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize