SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
