I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
