I am puke
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
