it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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