so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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