Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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