Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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