Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
