Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
