8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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